a bruise from me to you

X posted to every journal I own

2005-08-02T19:28:20Z

I hate the male species

there's always time

2005-06-01T23:11:24Z

One day down 37 more to go. Joy. Summer school was pretty decent even though I was tardy to my first class due to the lack of an alarm clock and Joey accidentally getting my mother’s book bag thinking it belonged to me. I now have to wake up twice as early as I did for regular school and that sucks. But I guess that’s my fault for wanting to be an over achiever. My three classes are free because I’m sneaky like that and now I’ll have 3 periods free my senior year! Gotta love credit plus. It’s a bit scary how close I am to finally finishing high school, how close I am to going to college and going out into the real world. I’d give just about anything to go back and change a few mistakes I made here and there. I’d probably give just about anything for a kit kat bar too. It rained a lot today during our first break and I couldn’t help myself but stand outside like a little kid. Unfortunately by the time lunch came around it stopped & the heat kicked in. Damn Texas. This weather is going to be the death of me. Fuck this, I’m going to look for a college in a state where it rains a lot and where there’s always a cool breeze. 10 more days till I take my ACT & writing portion. I’m a little nervous but I have a feeling I’ll do well. It’s amazing how much drugs can transform a person. Envision a world with no drugs! Scared you didn’t I? Lately I’ve been questioning my relationship with Joey and where I feel it’s going. It’s been a while since I’ve actually felt serious about someone and usually when I do it goes wrong. I could just be scared of moving on or perhaps I’m just coming up with excuses not to allow myself to feel strongly for someone else. Or maybe I’m just making it all complicated myself? Yes, that’s probably it.

i want to be with a someone who's imaginative yet unnervingly logical at the same time. someone who listens to crazy music and wont be annoyed whenever I sing silly show tunes in the shower. someone who I can learn from and wont be afraid to kiss me passionately in front of his guy friends. someone who knows the worst about me and is okay with it. i want to be with someone who probably doesn’t even exist. i feel like watching a sappy romance movie & taking a nap. I’ll figure this all out later.

my sweet liar

2005-05-29T18:00:00Z

either i'm just too selfish or he's toying with me once again. i just wish for once he'd leave long enough for me to be all right again. i didn't get to have the fun i wanted last night. i love kissing while intoxicated. ♥

i adore

2005-05-28T06:13:21Z

I KNOW YOU DO NO HARM TO ME♥♥

nothing lasts forever

2005-05-25T04:34:03Z

& i had really wanted all those wonderful things that you told me to be true. you're breaking my heart.

right where it belongs

2005-05-22T14:29:46Z

what if all the world you used to know is an elaborate dream?
and if you look at your reflection, is that all you want to be?

what if you could look right through the cracks?
would you find yourself; find yourself afraid to see?

kiss me good-bye

2005-05-21T00:13:31Z

why can't i let you go?

la la la dah dah

2005-05-17T05:03:14Z

the performance went great despite the fact that i fell. i don't think my slip up was too noticeable. i wont be able to see joey for a while & that really blows. i miss him already. i love falling asleep in his arms & kissing his face when he's asleep. my body aches. & i need to give my vocal cords a rest.

if i was a perfect girl

2005-05-14T23:37:30Z

there's moments where i can't stand his face being so close to mine constantly kissing me & then's there's moments where i adore him for it. what the hell is wrong with me? once again i found an incredibly great guy & i'm still puzzled as to what to do with him. i love him. then it's too much. blah. i want my phantom of the opera dvd. the soundtrack isn't satisfying me all too much now.

in the eye of the tornado

2005-05-14T03:51:13Z

friday the 13th. i'm surprised nothing bad has happened yet. i'm afraid now that they wont like my work. blah. i don't see why not? it's..pretty. my room is a mess but i still don't feel like cleaning it. new york next month. spain & france next spring break. i'm going to take on the world. i can't stop listening to this song. it reminds me of him. i hate yet admire his indifference. i wish he'd come back & tell me i'm wonderful again.

today we'll escape

2005-05-13T05:50:53Z

the banquet was nice. i cried. the new NIN album isn't what i expected. but i adore trent reznor nonetheless. i'm tired. maybe i shouldn't have let him inside tonight.

me : if i were a candy bar what size would i be, "fun size", "mini size" or "bite size"?

him: you'd be "my size"

i am not yours

2005-05-12T05:23:01Z

andrew came by & brought me lollipops. i like sour apple blow pops. tomorrow's the drama banquet & i still haven't found myself a pretty dress. oh well. he calls now & shows interest but i know it's only because i belong to someone else. boys are silly. i wont fall for it. not again. 3 months today. & he still gives me butterflies.