| well fuck. |
[Jan. 17th, 2004|02:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
I had lost my password here, but just found it today.
So i thought i would update and say yo.
how the fuck are you all?
Anyways, im sitll on LJ, i have a new name there tho, and umm yeah i dunno..
im bored. so ta ta.
<3 Kandice |
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| I QUIT! |
[Jun. 29th, 2003|11:29 pm] |
I am moving to livejournal.
My username over there is mascara_queen
Here is the link: http://www.livejournal.com/users/mascara_queen
So go there if you have one add me damnit. Ill come back here if someone comments or whatever, but i wont post here unless im deathly bored.
Its been real.
Its been fun.
But it hasnt been real fun.
<3 Kandice |
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| Damnit. Damnit. Damnit. |
[Jun. 26th, 2003|11:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Deftones - Rx Queen | ] |
Well.. deviantART is down, I cant go there so I really have nothing to do online. Umm..
Not much has been going on with me lately.. I feel like an emotional wreck, but Im trying to fix that. :/ How sad huh. HAH yeah right.
Anyways, just wanted to write and say HEY im alive.
~Kandice |
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| My Weekend. |
[Jun. 9th, 2003|01:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Soundgarden - Burden in my hand | ] |
Saturday June 07th - Marcie drove all the way from Mammoth Spring, Arkansas to get me at my house, which is right outside of Springfield, Missouri. We went to Ma & Pa’s, which is a cool club/bar in West Plains, Missouri (The town I lived in where I went to college at). And yes, it sounds like a hick bar, but its not.
We got super drunk, and drove to West Plains from her place, about a 30-minute drive. On the way up there we listened to her stereo so loud and sang at the top of our lungs to “killing me softly” by The Fugees. We drank a half-gallon of vodka. I mixed my first two big 20 ounce glasses with Kiwi Watermelon cool-aid, then, and I bought huge thing of Gatorade and drank it with it. I was so trashed that I was giggling the whole time. It was hilarious. I’m sort of drunk when I’m typing this right now, so im typing it in Word Processor so that I can fix all my drunken fuck ups. lol.
Anyways, at the club, we walked in and they were playing Tyrese “How you gonna act like that” so Marcie went and danced with one of our friends who played basketball for our college, Chris. He was making fun of us cause we were so drunk. Its a miracle the guys at the door didn't know we were drunk. Hehe. Cause Marcie fell when she walked in the door. :) Anyways, Umm. I forgot what I was saying. But, “T” was there, so was Boo and Ab. It felt good to see people that I hadn't seen since I moved out of the dorms. Umm. We stayed there till it closed at like 1:15 am or so, and then we drove home. Marcie cried on the way home because “T” was an asshole to her and didn't ask her to dance. Chris asked me to dance, but I didn't want to hurt Marcie so I didn't.
Umm. Then we got home I downloaded Audioslave's song “Like a Stone” and burnt it on a CD. hehe. That's my new favorite song ever. Umm. Damn. Then I fell asleep at like hmm. 4 am or so. It is so hot I think Im going to die. I smoked a whole pack of cigarettes last night and today. Today we didn't do anything except for sit here, we drove down to the Spring, and drove by some creeks, I talked online to a few people, and well. Now Im just waiting for 1:30 am to come so I can get online. I have to wait till then in case Chris calls tonight. Im going home tomorrow. My gramma is supposed to come get me in the morning/afternoon.
I wrote a Prose this weekend. Well, some of it the other day at my grammas, but I finished it today. I think it turned out well, even though its sort of lacking something that I cant figure out what it is. hehe.
I want to be with someone, but Im like so difficult that its hard to find someone who can put up with me. :/ I just wish I had someone to tell me they loved me. Someone who has the same interests as me. Art is so a big part of my life.. but most guys I know don’t know the first thing about it. Like one guy I dated didn't even know who Van Gogh was. I was like holy shit! You gotta go. LOL. :(
I have nothing else to say so Im going to go and check this, I have errors everywhere cause almost everything is underlined in red. LOL.
<3 Kandice |
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| CHURCH |
[Jun. 5th, 2003|04:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Deftones - Digital bath | ] |
Well. I didnt have to go last night, but I do tonight. Man. I just want some fucking cigarettes.
~:
Anyways. I have to go to church tonight cause my gramma pretty much is making me feel like I have to... so Im going, just because I love my gramma so much. And then afterwards Im spending the night with her, and tomorrow morning Im going to watch my cousins Cyla and Carson (5 and 4) while my gramma goes to the doctor. :)
~:
Its so sad.. my cousins live withmy gramma cause my Aunt Cristy is a crack head, and got busted with manufacuring and distributing methamphetamines (the same thing my real-fathers in prison for).. and she got sentenced to 4 months in jail/rehab. She gets out in like a week. Im so scared. She hates my gramma, and I swear, if she does anything to stress my gramma out, it will give her a heart attack. Id kill Cristy for it. UGH. I dont even wanna think like that.
~:
Umm.. Lets see.. im in a much better mood now. Guys suck still, well some, but see, the ones I could see myself being with are either too young, too old or well.. not single.
~:
:) Im going to go now. I will be back Sunday probaly. Maybe Saturday. Maybe friday night, but i seriously doubt that one.
DONT MISS ME TOO MUCH EVERYONE.
Lovies, kandice |
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| No title for a bullshit subject.. |
[Jun. 4th, 2003|03:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tori Amos - A sorta fairytale | ] |
Well, I cried alot.
I cried myself to sleep.
I woke up, remembered and cried some more.
It's not necessarily him Im crying over, its the fact that someone can LIE to someone like that. No, he didnt out and lie and say he liked me, when he didnt. BUT. he didnt tell me that he didnt like me. I can usually tell. Im such a good judge of character.
I had no fucking idea.
It's done. It's through. It's over with.
I just get really sad because I think to myself how I actually did like him. I wouldnt have hurt him. I would of made him feel special.
:/ But now, we probably wont even be friends.
*
I hate this feeling inside. Why did I keep talking? Why did I keep asking questions? Why cant I get all of this out of my head?
*
I would never intentionally lead someone on... :(
*
I still havent smoked a cigarette.. im out STILL. but its okies, tonight, im selling my soul. lol. My grandma said she will give me 50 bucks If i go to church tonight, so, im going. wow. 2 1/2 hours of bullshit wont kill me, well, I might fall asleep, but oh well. Its pretty tame during the week.
*
I think I feel a little better now, but I am going to take a break from everything and everyone. How do I know that everyone isnt out to do the same fucking thing?
I Hate guys. :( I really, really, really fucking do.
~Kandice~ |
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[Jun. 4th, 2003|01:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
Today me and my mom fought like all day. She kept screaming at me telling me that I should move out because Im not welcome here. Then she yelled at me for not having money. All I needed was 1 more dollar and i would have enough for cigarettes but instead she freaked out on me.
*
I dont get anything. Sometimes.. you can like someone, yet barely know them.. then.. everything fucks up.. and its as tho you cant feel the same. You have that funny little pain in the right side of your stomach. Like a knife poking out. Its how I feel now. I heard that its from crying, and squeezing your muscles. I dunno.
These tears are acid tho, cause there burning my fucking face. :/ Ill get better soon enough, right? I always do. One thing tho. I need to stop breaking the rules.
Rule # 1. Never show a guy your weaknesses.
:( Im just going to turn asexual. I dont like girls, i dont like guys, im going to be an old fucking maid who dies alone. single, unhappy and alone.
:( What a life.
~Kandice~ |
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| <3 Oh Love... |
[Jun. 3rd, 2003|12:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ditzy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Weezer - Say it aint So | ] |
I wrote a new poem, go to deviantart and read it.
Tonight I will be submitting Chap 2 of a collab I have been part of.
Umm.
Im downloading songs, please give me ideas.
And.. hmm. I dont know. haha. Im stupid at times.
Im going to write later if anything happens, right now, Im on my way to the shower.
Loves, Kandice |
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| Change's are going to be happening around here. |
[Jun. 1st, 2003|10:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Saliva- Rest in Pieces's damnit i cant spell it. ugh. | ] |
OK. Last night I realized something. My life can be great if I choose for it to be. Im only miserable because I make myself like that. :)
*
Hmm. On to more un-serious matters..
Im going to start changing things. I have to many stupid entries in here talking about how drunk I was, and well, its every night almost. I hate myself for the person I am.. yet.. I love me so much. Its like a rollercoaster in my head, but im trying to keep it on track.
*
Im sitting here at the computer eating Crunchy Cheetos, and its so hard to type with one hand, but I dont want the whole keyboard to turn orange. hehe.
*
I've been writing tons and tons of stuff. I'll show people some of the un-posted stuff sometime when I have enough time on my hands.
*
OMG. Does anyone remember how I said my hard drive fucked up, thats why im using my old computer? MY COMPUTER IS STILL UNDER FUCKING WARRANTY. The store we bought it from said to just bring it in Monday, and we will get a whole new computer. :D Hooray. Monday/Tuesday I will be back to me... posting stuff all the time, submitting stuff all the time, e mailing people back for once :D
*
hehe.
*
The only reason why I dont do alot on this, besides deviantART and aim is because I have to shut the internet off and re dial like every 5 minutes. Weird thing is, at night time, I never have problems. Its always during the day.
It's a fucking conspiracy, I know it.
haha. OK. My bullshit must end. I'll write more as things happen.
*
Lovies, Kandice
* |
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| Wow. Im back. Bitches. |
[May. 30th, 2003|11:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Audioslave - Like a Stone | ] |
OK. I havent wrote in this in forever. Heres the update on this soap opera I call a life.
On like, May 15th, I think, I moved out of the dorms. It was so sad, because im going to miss everyone so much. :( *cry*
Umm. But Ive changed alot. Before school, I was like obsessed with a guy that was a complete fuckhead.
and then I went to college, and wow. I got over him, fell for a new guy, got over him, drank way too much, partied way too much. And now that im back home with my parents, Im enjoying life, sober.
Ive been sober 16 days. hehe. And I like it. I only smoke like 4-6 cigarettes a day. (Much better then my 2 packs a day habit).
Umm.
Lets see. ive been writing more. All my stuff is on deviantart, which theres a link to it here ( www.evilfaeries.deviantart.com )
La La La.
I guess I will go since Im being stupid now.
Lovies, Kandice |
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